The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?”
The Engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow! Are you kidding?”
And the interviewer replied, “Yeah, but you started it.

Source : A Plus Jokes

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A magician was driving down the road..then he turned into a drive way…

Why don’t aliens eat clowns.
Because they taste funny.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh

Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : “Funny, I smell carrots too”.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
el-if-i-no

Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.

Once upon a time there were two muffins in the microwave. Suddenly, on of the muffins says:
“Man it’s hot in here!!!!”
The other muffin exclaims,
“Look a talking muffin!!!!”

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They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk. Out of respect and propriety, the Cubs fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Red Sox fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Yankee fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch.

The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection. First, he lifted up the Cubs cap, replaced it, and wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the
Sox cap, replaced it, and wrote down some more notes. The officer then lifted the Yankees cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time.

The Yankee fan was getting upset and finally asked, “What are you, a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?”

“Well,” said the officer. “I am simply surprised. Normally when I look under a Yankees hat, I find an asshole!”

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He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading ‘Lowest Prices’.

The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop - it read… ‘Main entrance’.

Source : Hilarious Jokes

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“I wanna get weighed,” she says.

Well, OK, thinks the boy. They walk over to the fortune scales, and weigh her. They play a few more games and stop for food. “What do you want to do now?” asks the boy again.

“I wanna get weighed,” she says.

“Hmmm, a little odd but I’ll put up with it,” thinks the boy.

Again they get her weight and fortune. After a few more games and an exquisite fireworks show, the boy repeats,

“What do you want to do now?”

“I wanna get weighed,” she says.

Damn, thinks the boy, she’s just too weird for me. They get her weight and fortune, and the boy drives her home.

As she walks into the house, her sister asks, “How’d your date go?”

“Wousy,” says the girl.

Source : The Joke Yard

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